the one who lives with the ocean

“Ah, the motivations of men. Money, power, revenge, sex … they were almost never actually that simple. The screwiest case that I can recall … dear God, why can I remember this, when I can’t … oh, well.

In the event, then-Prime Minister Vortala was engaged in heavy negotiations with the Polians over the wormhole access treaty, and was trying anything he could think of to sweeten the deal. The Polian ambassador indicated to Vortala that what he’d really always secretly wanted most in his life was an elephant.

To this day I don’t know if he really wanted an elephant, or if it was just the most absurd and impossible thing to ask for he could think of on the spur of the moment. So anyway, the word came down…. It was really the Head of Galactic Affair’s department, but I gave the assignment to my ImpSec agent personally, just so I could watch. I still can see this glazed look that came over his face, as he choked, ‘And … and how big does this elephant have to be, sir?’

There aren’t many moments like that in my job. I cherish ‘em. It was before your time, or you know who would have been the first man I’d have thought of.”

“Oh, thanks. So … did your agent locate an elephant?”

“He was ImpSec to the core; of course he did. A small one. I assigned myself to the detail the day Vortala delivered it to the Polian embassy, too. In that fruity, deadpan voice of his, ‘A gift from my Imperial master, Gregor Vorbarra …’ Gregor must have been about ten, then, and likely would have preferred to keep the beast himself. Your father prudently didn’t let him know he’d ever given away an elephant.”

“And did Vortala get his treaty?”

“Of course. I think the ambassador really did want an elephant, because after he got over being stunned and flummoxed, he was clearly delighted. They kept it in back of the embassy compound for about a year, and he used to bathe and groom it himself, till he took it home with him. It expanded my world view, ever after. Money, power, sex … and elephants.”